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'A day without sunshine is like, you know, night' and other awesome quotes

March 7, 2013 - Burton Cole (humor columnist)

You know I collect quotes if you follow my Facebook page. It's not quite the same as collecting wisdom, but sometimes a nugget or two gets wedged into the cracked sayings. Here's another sampling from my quote files.

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” – Will Rogers

“I am opposed to millionaires … but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.” – Mark Twain

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” – Emo Philips

“If your parents never had children, chances are, neither will you.” – Dick Cavett

“I tried to think but nothing happened!” – Curly Howard

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?” – Steven Wright

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.” – Dave Barry

“Maybe it's true that life begins at 50. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out.” – Phyllis Diller

“As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.” – John Glenn

“I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.” – Robert Benchley

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” – Dr. Seuss.

 
 

Article Comments

(1)

pahootaman

Mar-07-13 3:04 PM

Boy, that was painful to read.

 
 

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"I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly Howard

 
 
 
 

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