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Time flies, fun, funny or not

September 13, 2012 - Burton Cole (humor columnist)

My birthday shows up again this month. I swear it's at least the third time this year.

When we were kids, it took nearly six years for the next birthday to roll around. Only the gap between Christmases dragged on longer.

I don't think having fun is a condition. Time simply flies. Or as Groucho Marx put it, time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.

It got me to wondering, what do the experts have to say about time? Here's a sampling of maxims, principles and logic the way I like it – slightly askew:

* No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. – Groucho Marx

* Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. – Hector Berlioz

* I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams

* The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before. – G.K. Chesterton

* I am definitely going to take a course on time management … just as soon as I can work it into my schedule – Louis E. Boone

* Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician. – Lucille S. Harper

* He said he didn't very well understand how George was going to sleep any more than he did now, seeing that there were only twenty-four hours in each day. – G.K. Chesterton (“Three Men in a Boat”)

* Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. – Douglas Adams

* Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. – Woody Allen

* The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. – Lord Chesterfield

* I don't mind going back to daylight-saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've save. – Victor Borge

* I've been on a calendar, but never on time. – Marilyn Monroe

* Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? – Woody Allen

* This is the time I like best – after ya get your parents to sleep. – Dennis the Menace

Which reminds me, it's time for my nap. I hope another birthday doesn't catch me while I'm snoozing.

 
 

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